♥ = kittie (bnjds) wrote in baronandkittie,
♥ = kittie

i survived the mcchris n00b holocaust and all i got was this lousy girlfriend

so...i'm baron. here's the scenic route.

one day i came in to work and i had internet access. i told my boss that it was a bad idea. i told him to block all but the three sites we used for business and to get rid of the games. he didn't...so i did. i went to every terminal in our department and deleted all the games. then i set the parental locks on each terminal's browser and gave each one a different password. i told the boss i did it because we needed to be more professional. he thought it would be nice for us to listen to music and surf the web when things were slow. he disabled the locks and shortly thereafter started bitching - to me - that everyone was spending too much time on the computers. i'm a bit of a jerk, so i stopped listening to him and started spending ALL of my time on the net. that's when i first got hooked.

i think you should know something about me up-front. i don't own a PC. i own a beige G3. i call it my $300 paper-weight. that's right. the man who stole this cyber-godess' heart doesn't have a computer.

it took me a while at first, but i eventually started to find my way around on the intra-web. i went and found the website for [adult swim] and got everyone at work to go there, too. i got everyone to start playing their games just to rub it in my boss' face. something i found on the [as] site that i hadn't seen before was a forum. yes, i was a big ol' newb. in fact, i still am. kittie used to have a link to her "desk-top cam" in one of her sigs. i would get upset whenever i clicked it because i thought it was a camera that was on top of her desk. yes, i was that dumb. anyways...i registered on the [as] forum and started reading that when i got bored. it was a real lame forum but i didn't know any better. i tried to post a couple of times but never got any responses. i figured everyone could tell from my typing that i was an idiot when it came to geek stuff. so for a while i just played their games and searched around the web for guitar and car audio stuff.

one day a friend at work came in and told me that he saw a website for mcchris on one of the [as] black & white bumps.

"You mean MC PEE PANTS mcchris?"


so i went to mcchris.com and got all blown away by fett's vette and the other songs he had, my work buddy ordered eating's not cheating and a t-shirt, and i registered for his forum. now that was a cool forum. i was still timid about posting, so i just lurked for something like three months. then some shit happened which is not even worth chronicling. people started getting pissy & bitchy and everyone knew that mc himself was likely to shut down the boards. there was this one fifteen year old kid (who had a picture of himself dressed as yoshimitsu as his avatar) who started his own board. he invited everyone to go there if the shit hit the fan. i checked it out but didn't join. a few days later the chrisboards went down and i had nowhere to go. boo-hoo for me. if i hadn't been such a moron i would have book-marked that one dude's site. turns out that's where all the refugees went. i showed up about a month late and in my first post put up a link to my care-bear remix. nobody gave a fuck. boo-hoo for me. so i just read all the shit that the old-timers had been writing and searched through the new chrisfans site. there was some type of RPG. me no care about RPG's. me no care because me not have attention-span for games like that.

but they did have something way cooler than an RPG that i hadn't seen on any other forums. 100 MOTHER FUCKING FLASH GAMES, BITCH!!! sorry. i still get excited about that. i used the flash games to get people's attention. i would steal their trophies and then edit the "stolen trophy" private message to tell them that that's what got for not telling me what they thought of my remix. yup, i'm a dick like that. i would steal trophies and talk shit because i didn't feel like i had anything to add to the conversations people were having on the boards. i've never fit in with people in real life and i couldn't even fit in with the geeks & nerds because i wasn't geeky or nerdy enough. boo-hoo for me. moving on...i noticed that the new chrisfans site had a funny URL. japanesesomethingsomethingdotsomething. i was bored one day so i checked out japanesetrading.net. that shit looked pro. i thought it was some type of mutli-national corporation with holdings on several continents or some crap like that. i didn't bother reading what the company was about because i saw that they had a forum, too. by this time i had started searching all over for forums to read while at work. i registered for theirs for only one reason. THEY HAD FLASH GAMES, TOO, MOTHER FUCKER!!! i didn't read any posts. i just stole trophies. i would go back and forth between the two sites playing games.

but one day when i tried to log on to log on to japanesetrading i got a message that said i had been banned. what was that all about? i hadn't ever posted. why was i banned? i was just playing their games. i might be a dick sometimes, but usually only to people who have pissed me off. i thought that i might have been banned for just lurking and stealing trophies. i didn't know how to tell anyone that because i couldn't log in. remember, i'm a n00btard. i didn't even think to e-mail anyone. instead i decided to go to chrisfans and tell that kid who started the boards what happened.

as it turns out, that fifteen year old boy was actually kittie. i sent her a private message explaining that i didn't mean any harm to those other folk and that if they asked about me she could tell them. she shot back a message that said (in so many words) "Fuck that shit. That was a fuck-up. You weren't supposed to be banned. I pay for both of these sites and I don't care what you do over there. You can steal all the fucking trophies you want and if they don't like it they suck my imaginary dick." i was smitten. this chick OWNS both of these sites, MADE both of these sites, MAINTAINS both of these sites and has a wicked sense of humor, too. her message piqued my interest, so i tried to find out as much about her as possible. i went through her old posts and found her livejournal. it was actually the livejournal that got me really excited about her. she's got this one post that tells you a little about her and how she thinks that the twilight zone movie sucks. that was cute. but, she also had a livejournal trading card thingy (c'mon. i'm still a newby) in her user profile that got me smiling all big. i liiiiiiiiiiiiiked her. and what made everything WORSE is that she mentioned one of my favorite rappers by name in her interests. not just any rapper, mind you. the baddest underground pimp rapper that ever came out of pomona.

oooooooh, i was in love from the start.

and she got it wrong. i said she was a catch and a half in the second private message i sent. i was all blown away by her. but, at the same time, i was sad because i knew i had just met this amazing girl that i would never get to meet.

i started that second private message with a joke. a very cheesy joke. i used that joke as an excuse to tell her how great she was. i found a way to tell her how much i liked her without coming right out and saying, "Gosh, you sure are a pretty one, ain't ya?". and the worst part was that she sent me another private message afterwards saying that it was the best come on she had ever heard in her life. IT'S HER FAULT. IF SHE HADN'T BEEN IMPRESSED WITH ME THEN NONE OF THIS WOULD HAVE HAPPENED. i'm a glutton for pain, so i kept on talking with her. i kept thinking it would be just like all the other crushes i've had. i thought that i would get incredibly wrapped up in her and she would think of me as a good friend.

and about her livejournal - it was too much for me to handle. we had the exact same ideas about everything. she told me to add her to my friends list so that her friends and friends-of lists would be even. i purposely chose not to so that she would delete me. i didn't want to read her LJ anymore. i was afraid that if she knew i was reading her LJ she wouldn't believe the things i would type to her. i was afraid that she would think i was just making stuff up to try and impress her. our view-points were so similar that it was scary - and i wanted her to see that. i wanted her to see that without the LJ getting in the way.

i would keep coming up with excuses to send her messages and she would keep typing words back to me. i set up my profiles to send me an e-mail whenever i got a private message from any of the boards that we both frequented. i started reading back through all her old posts...i'm talking ALL her old posts. i definitely got wrapped up in her. i would try not to think about how great it would be to have her. i was madly in love with her, but never let on. i didn't want her to feel uncomfortable. even if i wasn't the one she wanted i still wanted to talk to her.

after a while, though, i could tell that she wanted to talk to me as much as i wanted to talk to her. i gave her my e-mail address and downloaded AIM so that we could talk in private. we never used AIM (i've never used it EVER) but we did e-mail a few times while we were private messaging. at one point i was worried that i would lose some of her private messages. i had amassed so many that they were about to be purged from my account on her chrisfans board. so, i ended one of my private messages with a p.s.

"p.s. give me more memory in my save box and don't ask me why"

she typed back saying that i had the extra space i needed and added a p.s. of her own. it said "p.s. don't feel bad" and underneath was a screenshot of her save box. it looked exactly like my sent box. i was floored. to think that this girl had gone and saved all the messages i had sent to her made my heart swell.

not too long after that we started talking on the phone. i was so nervous about our first phone call that afterwards i threw up. it's kind of embarrasing...but it's true. it's also kind of weird. why would i throw up AFTER we had a fantastic three hour conversation? i think it was because after that conversation i knew that we were perfect for eachother. i knew that i had to have her. i knew that i would.

did anyone make it all the way to the end? i bet you wish you hadn't sat and read all that, huh? well, i'm sure i left out a whole lot but i'll get to it eventually.

but, hey! you want to hear something disgustingly cute? last night neither of us wanted to hang up so we decided to just fall asleep together while on the phone and let our cell-phone batteries die. emphasis on disgusting.
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